that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
