it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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