Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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