I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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