I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
