It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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