dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
