His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
