Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
