miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
