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Scissors
Fuck
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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