My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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