I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
