She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Drunk is not a location!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
