I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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