That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
