Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
