guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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