I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He passed out mid-signature
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
