Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
