I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
