Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize