Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
