Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
