You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
