When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
