I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
