woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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