Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
