I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
