Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
