Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
