I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
