we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
