I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
