Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
