your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
