Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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