I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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