my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
