I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
