Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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