whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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