So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
