So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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