and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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