I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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