Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
