apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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