can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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