As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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