Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
