i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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