we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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