Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
