i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
