90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you traded sex for a burrito?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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