I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
