you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
