there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
