I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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