I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize