I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
