I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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