We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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