ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
