Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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