I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
