I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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