Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize